Given a current message board thread, I'm now sure that I'm not the only one that has seriously questioned this issue; but I have a feeling that like other people who enter this biz looking for more money and a better lifestyle, I'm probably not the only one who has at least thought about mixing porn and marriage. Like mixing drinks; it can either be very good ~ or very toxic...
I've been in this business since 1998, and am somewhat of a loner, but I still like the idea of having someone that could share the connection and qualities that a marriage holds. But with the daily focus on "porn" and pictures of nudity displayed and downloaded all day long (and if your wife is involved in the biz, then the displays of her body for all to see), where do you draw the line to keep the vows and the love that binds you secure? I mean, there is no book that I know of on marriage and porn and the "how to's" of making them functional instead of dysfunctional.
Respect and Honor
With the relationships that I have been in and failed miserably at, two words come to mind when thinking back on why this business can become so destructive ~ "Respect and Honor." What does it take in this business to create the true essence of trust needed to cultivate security between partners in porn and marriage? Or are we just fooling ourselves into thinking that if two people love each other, this should be enough? What about all those marriages that aren't in the porn biz that fail every day.
Do we all just wish we had someone we could share all aspects of our life's with (porn or no porn) but find out later that marriage is just something that is a fairytale and doesn't work in reality? All I can say from past experience in learning about how fragile love is and what I really want from a relationship is that if "like your business" you want it to succeed, there is the investment and time to consider. In part of that investment there is a certain kind of respect (especially if you put porn into the mix) for each other's feelings and in honoring the commitment you made in the first place to make sure it remains strong.
I read a question that was posted on a message board a while back where someone asked "Is it wise to bring your significant other to a porn convention, especially if they aren't in the biz." The only thing that came to mind was "why ~ are you hiding something? And if so, are you ashamed?" Or does it just have to do with the fear of you losing your relationship, something that seemed to be the most important thing to you in the beginning? If you are living a lie, beware of the porn biz, because chances are, like the female revealing her body and soul, yours too will eventually be revealed. If you think that your marriage is not strong enough already, it will never last the insecurities that will tease at you and your lover by sharing something you already know the answer to.
Love, as You Want to be Loved
Try this: If you still haven't figured out how you could have a successful marriage in this porn biz and have failed like I have in the past, but still think it's possible. Then if by chance you meet someone that you know you can't live without, do everything possible to respect and love him or her like you want to be loved. Cherish the unique qualities that hold your hearts to each other. Understand that (porn or not) ALL relationships are a fragile gift not to be taken for granted, the success comes in how careful you hold the gift.
If your time is spent in cultivating your desire to masturbate to porn and not spent in satisfying those same sexual desires with your lover then don't be shocked when your lover seeks out an alternative as well. If you treat your marriage with value and protect your relationship from the flirtatious dangers of this business, then chances are that you will be given the same respect.
As I carefully try to mix porn with my new marriage, just like a chemist tediously trying to find the missing ingredients for something I search to succeed at this time around, it can be trying and frustrating at times. But with the ingredients I already have in the mix, and my desire to protect my lover's feelings (especially in this business of "perfect bodies" and outside sexual "flirtations") I stir in faith and give it time to work its spell, and hope that this time it turns out sweet. ~ Ayrora
