A compassionate and multi-talented activist, educator and adult performer, Amberly Rothfield, takes us on a unique journey through her career and its accomplishments as our Woman of the Month for July 2020.
She shares revealing insights on how she overcame adversity, leveraging hard-won knowledge and giving back to the community, while encouraging others to do the same in a spirit of bridge-building positivity.
As a beloved voice of wisdom among the talent and a trusted brand ambassador for several indie-supporting companies like SPLTstream and AP Clips, Rothfield has established herself firmly as a capable communicator.
She is a doer, a listener and a creator, whose upbeat vibes bring out a smile and instill hope.
To learn more about her leadership goals and inspiring personal background, XBIZ turned to Amberly for her candid views on a range of topics. Here’s what she had to share.
XBIZ: What led you to choose adult as a career path and what about your previous experience prepared you for this journey?
Rothfield: I hate to admit that I have a rather cliché entrance story but I was on my own since I was 17. At 18, after spending a year couch surfing with friends’ families, I found an ad to be a phone sex operator. I figured I could do it secretly at my friends’ houses when their parents slept and make enough to get on my feet. I was quickly making three to four times more than I was making in retail. I got on my feet swiftly and began webcamming and erotic audio making. Growing to love what I did, I no longer wanted to use it just to get by, but to continue it as a passion.
Building websites, learning search engine optimization and figuring out algorithms for clip sites became a pastime and when I met my partner, we used her skills in mathematics and predicting patterns (she was in military intelligence) and I began to see my income soar. After becoming a top model, many asked how I got there, so I decided to release a book about how I was making (and continue to make) $10,000 per month in phone sex. It was released for free and models asked me to put it on Amazon so they could get a physical copy. I did so, thinking that no one would buy it. It is now one of the most reviewed books about the business of porn in the world.
I was then asked to begin mentoring and that is what led me to where I am today.
XBIZ: Since you’re known as an experienced phone sex operator, among other things, what drew you to this avenue of erotica and what skills did you cultivate that have proven beneficial in other markets, like clips?
Rothfield: Phone sex was dropped in my lap, but I will say that what keeps me interested in it is the personal nature of it all. In webcamming, I have only what is around me, but I have always been fairly creative. In grade school, I won several medals for my creative writing pieces. In phone sex, I can create wildly erotic scenarios and play on my voice and breath, and truly bring my client into the fantasy with me. When you close your eyes, the impossible becomes possible.
Never thinking about it before, phone sex has improved my skills in improv. You have to be ready for just about anything to come out of someone’s mouth. From there you have to roll with it and have a response that flows naturally. Timing is everything, in not just comedy, but in keeping an erotic experience going.
I have also gained a deep empathy for people via my work. I talk to people from all walks of life. People I don’t agree with on many things; people who are hurting; lonely people; and of course, people who just want to get off. I found several of my clients used my services as an escape from the difficult work they did. One of my favorite clients is a brain surgeon. Depending on the night, we are walking a fine line of BDSM or tease and denial. He has admitted to me that it helps him take his mind off and deal with his difficult job.
It is hard to “read the room” without visuals, so by listening to speech patterns and breathing, I can usually figure out in seconds what attitude to take and adjust to what my client needs at the moment. It is surely a skill that I developed through this job.
XBIZ: Given your work with various brands spanning SPLTstream, AP Clips, and more, how has your multi-faceted role in the industry evolved and how do you balance it all?
Rothfield: What is this word “balance” you speak of? It is surely a challenge but calendar blocking has helped a lot. I follow Amy Landino (formerly Savvy Sexy Social) and her tips on maximizing time in one’s day have been invaluable in continuing to further my mission: helping models in any way I can.
I love working with smaller companies to help them understand the needs of smaller to mid-tier creators. I started as a model and really until three years ago, though making six figures, few knew who I was. It wasn’t until I started teaching about sales funnels, “internet door-knocking,” search engine optimization and content marketing for models that I began to get attention.
It was ironically at this last XBIZ Show in L.A. after the social media panel that a few companies approached me. I was blown away by how many wanted more insight on what tools they could make available to small to mid-tier creators but, moreso, that they wanted my input on how to implement them. I have always been a numbers person (I thank my Asperger’s for that) and found ways around traditional methods to get myself out there. AP Clips and SPLT have taken to heart the experiences that I have had and are doing massive things to help lesser-known models get a leg up!
XBIZ: You’ve been a strong advocate for performers and have worked to educate them through masterclasses, seminar presentations and other forms of outreach, such as Performer Training in response to AB2389. How important and rewarding is it to give back to the community by sharing your experience and knowledge?
Rothfield: I try to be the person I wish I had when I started. That is all. When I started in 2005, there were a few forums, but the information was all over the place, with so many varying opinions, and frankly ... as someone who is admittedly very tender-hearted, forums are hard for me. People come in and are so nasty at times.
I have also worked in many different industries. I work with a lot of YouTubers and Twitch streamers and see just how many classes and programs exist for them. For creators in adult, we do not have that. Hell, back in 2017, when I decided to begin the teaching portion of my journey, I was decried for charging for my information at all (though very affordable and even with a 250-page book out for free). There is a massive need for more teachers in our industry.
As for rewarding, I cry happy tears daily. I wake up to 10-15 DMs a day with models saying they hit their financial goal; and I am now at five models who told me they bought a house after getting help from me. At the XBIZ Show, I had so many models stop me and just cry. It was surreal. To go from being homeless and having no family to helping models live their dreams is something that I could never have imagined.
It drives me to want to do more every day and think of how I can give back more.
XBIZ: How can we, as an industry, better foster a sense of team spirit and elevate one another?
Rothfield: As an industry, we need to remember that we are in this together. There are no sides. There is no competition. Especially in dark times, people look to our industry to escape the hard realities of the outside world. If I have to call something out, I try to do it gently. Remember, there is someone on the other side of the screen. Whether we agree with them or not, we need to remember that they are a person and deserve respect, even if they aren’t being nice to us at the moment. We need to remember that we do not have to agree with each other either, but to grow, we need to hear each other out. How can I expect you to listen to me if I never listen to you?
We also need to remember what it was like to start, how cold and lonely it can feel. This is part of the reason I rarely block anyone and my DMs are always open. I try to make myself accessible to all in our industry, being an open and nonjudgmental ear, but also always looking for a way to uplift another. Look for new creators and tweet them out, just because. See someone doing a startup? You don’t have to say “I love this company,” just open a conversation about what they are doing.
Innovation doesn’t happen in a vacuum and if we want a better industry, we need to not always look up to where we want to be, but pull others up to where we have gotten as well. This is part of why I promote other teachers, educators and models wherever I can!
XBIZ: You’ve been interviewed by a wide range of media, including Business Insider, Vice, Rolling Stone, Reason, and more. Tell us about the ways this mainstream exposure and outreach benefit the industry as a whole.
Rothfield: Destigmatization of our industry is extremely important. Few know what goes down in our industry and even my vanilla friends have misguided assumptions, though they have known me since high school. Being in mainstream media helps us to get those on the outside to see us for who we are — people.
My job is no different than a carpenter or cook, other than that some unfairly judge it. There will always be a need for people to sexually explore themselves and getting our stories out there not only sheds a light on us, but also humanizes our occupation.
A good example would be that of the “Mystery Box Show.” That YouTube video’s comments show how it changes people’s minds about what we do. In the video, I talk about my favorite story of a client and the huge pivot that got me to love my job. The comment section is littered with people having that “A-Ha!” moment that what we performers do is important and actually kind of awesome. Our stories are important and shouldn’t be valued less than any other entertainer.
XBIZ: The COVID-19 crisis has affected businesses and lives across the globe. How has it impacted you on a personal level and what have you done in response?
Rothfield: COVID-19 has been an extremely scary time as I am in one of the higher-risk categories (being on the bigger side of the BMI scale). I had three more live in-person classes planned and had to move them online, which for me was a bummer. While in-person classes are smaller, it is preferred, as I enjoy meeting the models who follow me and helped to give me the platform I have today. It also came with a flood of DMs from models who are very scared for their future.
This is part of the reason I began doing more classes online. I have given countless free consultations to help models tighten up their business plans during this time, too.
Goddess Valora and I even taught a class where all of the money we raised went to the Cupcake Girls to help models, while AP Clips allowed me to give away money on their behalf as well. We also are not through this, not by a long shot.
I know what it is like to be homeless, have no food and be completely out of options. My goal, though my platform is small, is to give back as much as I can. Be it time, energy, money, advice or helping models find resources, my mission is to do all I can to help others get stabilized and then prepare for the future.
XBIZ: What are the top challenges that you’ve had to overcome in your work in adult and what is the biggest triumph you’ve had?
Rothfield: I have always had the deck stacked against me. Being bigger, of color, for many years doing only MP3s (no video clips), an Aspie and starting with no capital... it was difficult to grow. My biggest burden though, became my biggest triumph. All of that has forced me to look at things differently. While many models focus on if their font is perfect or if they like the colors, I have always been able to see through the lens of a customer.
While my Asperger’s makes it to where sometimes what I type comes out harsh or even angry, it has helped me excel in seeing patterns in algorithms and the type of content that gets promoted. While my skin color kept some promotional accounts from pushing me, that gave me the time to research different methods of promotion that most models did not use (and thus gave me an edge).
While my body fat made some models not want to collaborate with me, that forced me to find those models who would and also sources outside of the adult industry that did not see me as competition and thus would promote me. When all models were focusing on video content and all competing with each other, I was banking on audio content and a deeply (to this day!) underserved market.
I cannot for the life of me remember this quote’s origin, but it leads me to this day: “What hurts you the most, will be your greatest weapon.” In those moments when I want nothing more than to find a corner to cry in, I think about what the root of the pain is and how to remake it into a tool for my belt.
XBIZ: What does a typical workday look like and what does a day off look like?
Rothfield: A typical workday for me involves doing a lot of outreach. I love to message new sites and companies and ask them if they need help or insight on how to best serve models. The SaaS market is opening up to indie adult content creators and I love to be at the forefront of new companies coming to serve models when I can.
I spend a ton of time (I am sorry my dear sweet wife) in DMs answering models, and about seven or eight hours a day on consultations. It once was every day but we had to scale it back to five days a week due to other projects cropping up. I “no-life” my work for models five days a week. It is hard to tear myself away when I know people are counting on me to help them.
I do take Saturdays and Sundays off. It is a must to refresh myself. We have a nice wooded lot near us and I take nature walks a lot. I also love to crochet and knit, too — anyone who has met me at conventions probably has a hat I made for them. Reading is a massive love, but what people find odd is that we run a rabbitry. Funny enough, we live almost like the Amish. We churn our butter, raise meat rabbits, make our bread and outside of work ... we don’t use many electronics. My friends make fun of me for never knowing most new shows. Some call it boring, but going back to the Earth helps keep us centered in our little home.
XBIZ: You’ve shared several inspiring stories of overcoming adversity in your life on social media. Can you tell us about a few of the biggest challenges you’ve taken on and how it’s shaped you?
Rothfield: Sometimes I think that the “A” in my name is for “Adversity!”
I would say that one massive hurdle comes from my teaching career. I get the same comments almost daily: “You are a top model?” and “You make six figures ... in porn?” Especially when my book first came out, people did not believe it. It is a huge part of why the digital version is free. I wanted no one to be able to say I am a snake oil salesman and have a leg to stand on. Some believe that move was stupid but it got many huge-name creators and company owners to see that I am not full of it. Not to mention, I did drop receipts of my consistent earnings.
Still though, especially at conventions, many models would just roll their eyes and walk on. It hurt at first, but I try to hold very little against people. Humans are meant to grow, and now three years later, I have had many of those same non-believers come back and applaud me. That is the best feeling in the world, outside of helping a performer realize their potential.
The other hurdle is finally finding my self-worth. It may be sad to say, but it was during this quarantine and time of self-reflection that I realized I am not the monster I thought I was. It is hard being a child whose mother left your family and watching your father struggle to cope. He did get it together in the end, but much of my life I just felt like a massive mistake. Imposter syndrome is a demon that has plagued me. Why do I deserve anything great or could do anything of substance?
It was during a consultation when a model was sobbing that she was making more than she has ever in her life and felt she didn’t deserve it. This drop-dead knock out of a Queen, this hard-working Goddess was killing it and echoed a lot of my toxic self-talk. It was at that moment that I was being “Alice in Wonderland,” saying, “I give myself (in this case others) such very good advice, but I seldom ever follow it.” I am flawed, I will fuck up again, but God damn it I am a mother fucking unicorn and I deserve every moment of happiness I have ever had and will ever get.
It sounds corny, it sounds like I am pandering, but one hour after that call, XBIZ contacted me to ask if I wanted to be Woman of the Month. Every time I dared, even for a moment to believe in myself, something amazing happened.
My last parting words for any model is that last line: Dare to believe in yourself!
Each month, industry news media organization XBIZ spotlights the career accomplishments and outstanding contributions of Women in Adult. WIA profiles offer an intimate look at the professional lives of the industry's most influential female executives.
