Being a professional dominatrix can be immensely enjoyable and profitable — but it’s not without substantial risks. Some provide in-person experiences, others digital experiences, and people like me straddle both of these worlds. I’ve been a professional for over 17 years now and I have experienced firsthand the wide array of dangers that come our way. These experiences, albeit unpleasant, have also taught me how to avoid and combat them.
Dangers come in four major forms: personal safety and privacy, legal, financial and societal. Both areas of professional domination share this set of risks, which are the same ones faced by any type of sex worker.
Dangers come in four major forms: personal safety and privacy, legal, financial and societal.
PERSONAL SAFETY AND PRIVACY RISKS
This is a given. These scenarios we know well: a domme meets in private with a client, who then physically or sexually assaults her. Laws around sex work may prevent the victim from reporting, out of fear of prosecution. How to combat this? Adopting strict screening protocols, requiring verifiable personal information and checking references are good starts. Enlisting a third party to be on-site for security, and conducting sessions in locations that discourage shady behavior, can also help.
A domme may also engage with a client/fan who, unbeknownst to them, is unstable or suffers from psychological/emotional problems that cause them to disrespect boundaries or have delusions of romantic attachment. This can quickly become untenable, but cutting off contact can escalate the problem as the client reacts by stalking or doxxing — exposing personal info. This is especially common online, where your personal information may be accessed easily and can make you a target for an irate fan or client.
In both of the above scenarios, it’s crucial to trust your intuition. If someone is disrespecting you or your boundaries at all, the chances are high they will continue to do so. No amount of money is worth violating your boundaries.
These situations are also legally challenging because law enforcement is notorious for not taking such behavior seriously when aimed at a sex worker. The best way to prevent this is to be aware of how much information is currently available about you online and to be very cautious about disclosing too many personal details to fans or on social media. Use private wishlist services and external mailboxes for receiving packages. Utilize services that will scan and update you about potential privacy leaks. Make sure uploaded media doesn’t contain geotagging and scrub your EXIF data before posting. If someone does try to dox you, report, block and ignore them; they only get worse when you respond.
LEGAL RISKS
There are risks of arrest for prostitution or other sex-related activities. Even if you are conducting business legally, you can run afoul of law enforcement. Make it clear on your websites/materials that you do not engage in any prohibited activity, and become informed about local ordinances. This caution applies to content creation as well, because not all locations or areas are legal to film in. Not all types of content are legal or allowable either, and with the latest rules from Mastercard, that list is growing longer.
FINANCIAL RISKS
Sex workers endure financial discrimination daily, and dominatrixes are no exception. Dommes are at risk of losing bank accounts, payment processors, home loan lenders and more. They may face bank account closure with no explanation, for “suspicious activity.” This is a difficult one to combat, but the best thing you can do is use local banks, especially credit unions, or move away from banks with a history of discrimination.
Use more than one bank so you have a backup and be sure to use a separate business account. You also should establish a business structure, which affects your liabilities and taxes. Entities such as LLCs provide protection for your personal assets and they often give you larger tax breaks than filing as self-employed, not to mention they help you look better to loan providers. Being audited by the IRS is always a huge risk for anyone who is paid in cash, so be smart about claiming your income and your cash deposits. Consult a savvy accountant.
SOCIETAL RISKS You’re probably well aware of the stigmas surrounding sex work and the misconceptions we face. This can affect your personal relationships, friends and family, your community and more. No one can tell you how to address those because that’s for you to decide. There is no “right way” to do it; it’s your life and your choice.
As someone who fully came out with their real name as part of a femdom documentary — stalkers be damned! — I can say that most people will be supportive and anyone who isn’t does not deserve to be in your life. It can be very liberating to be open about your work and to help break down social stereotypes. The more that we confront them, the easier and safer it becomes for all sex workers, not just dominatrixes. Sex work is real work, full stop.
Alexandra Snow has been a professional dominatrix, dungeon owner, educator and award-winning fetish model/producer since 2005. As a longtime creator in the femdom POV niche, Snow is passionate about elevating the adult industry and fostering connection, creativity and ethical entrepreneurship. She is also the subject of the documentary “A Wicked Eden.” Follow her at AlexandraSnow.com, GoddessSnow.com, @dominasnow on Twitter and @alexandrasnowofficial on Instagram.
